Screwed blue and tattooed, mofos....

I started a new blog inspired by an idea I had years before I even knew what a blog was.

Many years ago, a work associate and I had a long talk while walking to our cars. At the time I was up to my eyeballs in depression. My panic disorder was barely in check, I hated my job and I felt completely alone. We had a discussion about how many people deal with this kind of stuff on a daily basis. I told her that I would love to get a book together, compiling anonymous journal entries by people about their struggles in life. The idea behind this was that the writers could express their deepest thoughts anonymously, while the readers could take it all in and maybe feel a bit less alone. Not a perfect idea by any stretch, but you get the idea. For the past couple of…

I don't know if this quite describes my life at this moment, but it certainly describes the song I'm listening to.  I've had my share of ups and downs, but who hasn't.  Jake came down sick before the ass crack of dawn and 3 kids were dropped off for a day of babysitting at 6 a.m.  A 5-year old tried to steal my kids quarters.  Another told lies.  The boy said barely anything at all....and they are my family. 

I love these kids.  I wish I could be in their lives more.  I try to be a positive part of their lives, but damage has been done and it breaks my heart.  Their parents were too young and too stupid to be having kids.  They are much better parents now than than they were years ago, but like I said...damage has been done.  And honestly, I don't think it will be…

I should be in bed right now.  I should be sleeping peacefully, resting up for a day of errands tomorrow.  It's Jake's birthday and I have some preparations to attend to while he's at school.  Instead of sleeping I'm here listening to music.  Nirvana, Weezer, GNR, Muse, Ozzy, Johnny Cash....it's somehow soothing at this late hour.  Can't explain it, it is what it is.

Can I really expect my son to be disciplined if I'm not?  Can I really teach him to do as I say and not as I do? 

Fuck it, I'm babbling.  Goodnight.

Tonight I had a talk with one of my cousins.  I haven't seen her in many years, yet we talk like it's only been an hour since we last saw each other.

We talked about our kids.  She has a son that is 14 years old.  He's had 18 open heart surgeries since he was born.  He's due to have 2 more this year alone.  He's 14.  Smart as a whip but possesses poor motor function due to his medical issues.  He's stubborn.  He insists on doing all of his homework even when he's physically exhausted.  He can't run around.  He can't play at recess or gym.  He has no friends because he is in special education, which presents a barrier for him.  And he is not expected to live past 20 years old.

I feel guilty for how many times I've cried foul in my journal.  For every single time I…

Mix together elements of acid house, jazz and hip-hop. Add a flair for experimentation and a passion for breaking the rules.

The result? Portishead.

I'm never surprised to hear that one hasn't heard of Portishead. Their aversion to press coverage is no secret among fans, but let me tell you something. If you've never heard them before, today is your day. 

They've released only 3 studio albums since 1994, but each album is rich with creativity and sonic beauty. Beth Gibbons' haunting and gorgeous vocals are angelic, conveying feelings despair, loneliness and frustration about the complications of human connection.  Morbid, disturbing sounds, eerie melodies, spine-tingling pianos and rich bass lines are definite hallmarks of their sound.  Although they are categorized as Trip-Hop, they blur together so many styles,…